The Difference Between Sex Brags for Men and Women

The Difference Between Sex Brags for Men and Women

Here’s the Real Difference Between How Men and Women Brag About Sex

Bragging about sex is as old as — well, sex itself. People have always felt compelled to share stories about the sex they had last night (and how many times, and in what positions!)

Whether it happens in the group chat or at the weekly boys’ night out, sex brags are omnipresent. However, that doesn’t mean that all sex brags are created equal. Some are fun — and funny — to hear, while others are just plain distasteful.

What is it about sex talk that’s different for straight men and women? When it comes to women, we picture a group of Sex and the City-type women laughing about a blowjob. It’s fun and sassy. But when men discuss sex, it can often feel cliché (at best) and offensive (at worst). Nobody wants to hear a man peacock about his sex life!

I’m going to break down why that confusing gender difference exists — and how men can get better at talking about sex.

‘Locker-Room Talk’ Is The Norm For Men

“Dude, I need to get laid. It’s been a couple months since I had sex.”
“Can’t relate, bro. I got lucky last night.”

Talking about sex is often a bonding activity for men, hence the label ‘locker-room talk.’ When a man shows off about the hot one-night stand he had last night, he’s reinforcing what’s expected of him. Part of being an alpha male is bedding a lot of women: It’s a status symbol for straight men in the same way a hot girlfriend is, or an expensive new car is. That’s why it’s never unique to hear a man talk about all the sex he’s having. There’s no novelty to it!

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Think about a guy who isn’t very sexually active. It would be embarrassing for him to admit “Yeah, I haven’t had sex in a year.” He would become someone to commiserate with or pity. Similarly, we can’t comprehend of a masculine man who doesn’t have a high sex drive. “A male virgin” is a punchline in itself (which is why a lot of male comics joke about their dismal sex lives!)

…But Often Radical For Women

In sharp contrast, women talking about sex are being subversive. We still live in a society that shames women for being too sexual: Men circulate memes of women’s “roast-beef pussies”, and there’s plenty of people who believe sex makes women loose down there (which, for the record, has been scientifically disproven).

It’s no wonder that women are worried about seeming slutty if they have sex with multiple men. That’s why it’s refreshing or interesting to hear women talk nonchalantly about having casual sex: They’re going against the norm.

Are Men Exaggerating (Or Just Lying About It)?

“I banged the hottest girl last night, man. She looked like a cross between Emma Roberts and Emma Watson.”

“Sure, man.”

Sure, man. That’s often our response to men talking about sex! If they claim to have multiple sex partners per week, or to routinely banging Victoria’s Secret supermodel wannabes, we are suspicious of them. The principle is similar to bragging about how rich you are: Men lie in order to look good.

The thing about sex is that it requires a certain part of effort on the part of cis men — it is, after all, an exercise that requires energy and stamina. That’s why it’s better for men to be somewhat reserved when it comes to their sexual prowess. Resist the urge to tell people that you got laid four times last night! Even if you did manage to have sex four times last night, what’s the point of advertisement that sounds like a lie?

The Vocabulary Is Just Plain Different For Women

Think about the slang we commonly associate with men talking about sex:

“I hit that!” 
“Yeah, I smashed.”
“I’m gonna tear that p*ssy up.”
“Man, I wrecked her.” 
“I can’t wait to tap that ass.”
“I screwed the shit out of her.”
“I’m banging the hottest girl right now.”

You’ve probably heard a guy say every one of those lines. What do they have in common? They all frame sex as something you do to a woman, instead of with her.

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In this scenario, the woman isn’t very different from a tennis ball or some other inanimate object! (Not to mention — the violence of these words often implies that she didn’t even enjoy it.) The brag is not for her, it’s for you: It’s the most selfish sort of brag. 

When women talk about sex, meanwhile, it tends not to be as dehumanizing:

“Yeah, my boyfriend and I fucked three times last night, I’m exhausted today.”

They speak more of sex as a joint activity — something that both parties enjoy together. It would be refreshing to hear a man speak of sex in the same way. Describe sex in less-cringey terms — talk about how good the sex you have with a particular person is, versus how good you are at Doing Sex To Her™.

Bragging To Women About Being Good In Bed? Big Nope

One notable thing about the viral term “big dick energy” is that none of the men associated with it had to say they had it. Sexual confidence is like that — it’s apparent, it doesn’t need to announce itself! If you tell a woman on Tinder that you have a big dick, or that you’re a magician in bed, it’s embarrassing. It’s a much better idea to wait and let her find out for herself.

When it comes to sex brags, remember the golden rule: Less is more. Maintain an air of mystery, and you’ll generally come off looking much better than if you bragged.

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